putting down roots

I've been thinking a lot recently about where we have chosen to live here in the little village of Springstein. I will admit that even though we have lived here for over 5 years I still feel like a bit of an outsider. My heart is still back in the "mountain" and on the farm where I grew up working and playing, a long way from the big city and its countless money grabbing venues. I would be perfectly happy if I never had to drive into Winnipeg again, not because it's a bad city, I just don't like city's. End of story. It's too intense and stupid for me, I find myself getting more and more road rage. More on edge.

Which brings me back to the village. I regularly ask my wife if she wants to move away, knowing what the answer is, but hoping it changes. I know the reasons we are here and they are very good ones. But there is a longing to get back to my home in spite of those reasons. And because of that longing that comes and goes, I find it hard to commit to the here and now of life and work and family. Find it hard to put down roots here, to settle in and get comfortable.

I'm not sure how to change that feeling, I'm not sure if I want too. For some reason right now I want to hang on to something that is holding me back from what God has in store for me and my family. Letting go is hard, even though I might get what I want in the end, it's still hard. At least that's the way I see it today.

for my love

I was inspired by my cousin Don, and dared by Julia to actually follow through with it. So here I am at the start of something, not sure where this will take me or even why I want to write, but I feel like I have something to say....

this is for Julia:

"follow the wonder of your heart and you will find me there, deep inside our worlds have touched, close your eyes I'm near, I'm not looking for conversation, don't need to say a word. Inside the stillness rings a song, only our hearts have heard. Love has come, Love has come tonight"
Love has come: By Hoi' Polloi

So it's mother's day and I thought I would mark this day by telling everyone what a great mom, and wife Julia is. Great is an understatement, she is the best. Her passion and love for our boys is always evident in the way she gives of herself nuturing, caring for, loving, playing with, and believing in them. Julia's organisation of everything is astounding, right down to every detail that I would never think of.
Too often my head is not where it should be and I forget and take forgranted how awesome she is, and when I'm not paying attention I'm not giving the credit and encouragement she deserves. Being a mom (or dad) at home is the most important job in the world, and I wish that would be recognized, shouted from the roof tops because our world would be a much better place if every family had a parent at home being a parent. Why do we have kids if we don't want to parent them? Being a full time mom is excatly that full time, there is no time off, it's constant, it's a major shift in life and one that hasn't always been easy. But I'm so thankful that Julia wants to be at home, it makes going to work easier knowing that she is here.
It makes me so happy when I see Jonah's eye's light up when hasn't seen Jules for short while or when Eli asks where is mom over and over again when she is not around. We only have one shot at this parenting thing, and Jules is the best shot I know.