putting down roots

I've been thinking a lot recently about where we have chosen to live here in the little village of Springstein. I will admit that even though we have lived here for over 5 years I still feel like a bit of an outsider. My heart is still back in the "mountain" and on the farm where I grew up working and playing, a long way from the big city and its countless money grabbing venues. I would be perfectly happy if I never had to drive into Winnipeg again, not because it's a bad city, I just don't like city's. End of story. It's too intense and stupid for me, I find myself getting more and more road rage. More on edge.

Which brings me back to the village. I regularly ask my wife if she wants to move away, knowing what the answer is, but hoping it changes. I know the reasons we are here and they are very good ones. But there is a longing to get back to my home in spite of those reasons. And because of that longing that comes and goes, I find it hard to commit to the here and now of life and work and family. Find it hard to put down roots here, to settle in and get comfortable.

I'm not sure how to change that feeling, I'm not sure if I want too. For some reason right now I want to hang on to something that is holding me back from what God has in store for me and my family. Letting go is hard, even though I might get what I want in the end, it's still hard. At least that's the way I see it today.